


How to Battle a Banshee at 2am: Tip 23- chloroform

by loveheartlover



Category: Glee
Genre: Dani and Elliott as chem students who have no time for Kurt and Santana's weirdo shit, First Meetings, Humor, M/M, can be read as platonic or not, mentions of drugging a friend (theory and jokingly doesn't happen)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveheartlover/pseuds/loveheartlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate times call for desperate measures. Kurt and Santana are desperate, so they decide to break into the local university's chemistry department and beg a few students for help.</p>
<p>-----<br/><i>"Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?” </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Battle a Banshee at 2am: Tip 23- chloroform

Tall, dark hair, tattoos peeking out from the cuff of a sweater that Kurt is 99% certain belongs to someone about three sizes smaller than this guy, and a smile that at any other time would have made Kurt blush on command.

_At ANY other time._

Kurt’s already the exact same shade of red that Carole painted their guest bedroom, and he knows this because he can see his tomato face very clearly in the nice shiny cabinets behind the man’s head. Behind  _them,_ Kurt can just about make out a girl’s head bobbing back and forth as she wanders around.

_“_ Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?” The guy asks Santana, eyes flicking to Kurt questioningly when her only response is to snap her teeth at him and scowl.

“We have a…problem?” Kurt tries.

“A problem that only chloroform can fix? At 2am? Are we going to have the cops here at sunrise, because you two are the new serial killing duo, and since you’ve watched too many crime shows you think  _chloroform_  is the way to go about abducting someone? ‘cause I can save you time, there are much easier ways. For one thing, you’d need to have a chloroform rag over their mouth and nose for at least five minutes to knock them out, and by that point they’ll have scratched you to all hell and got your DNA under their nails, so you may as well just kill them outright and be done with it.”

Kurt blinks. “It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

“We’re chem students, what else are we going to do with our time?” It’s the girl, coming out from a store cupboard, dark hair bouncing off her shoulders and lab coat slung over one arm. “People want exciting stories when they hear about our degree; telling them we mostly just dilute stuff and hope it turns in to other stuff while filling out a fuckload of paperwork and being reamed for not wearing safety goggles at all times isn’t exactly dinner party material. So we find out the interesting bits to shut them up.”

“Look,” the guy interrupts, “we’re not going to give you chloroform. We have a very limited supply, our professor will notice if it goes missing. You and Scrappy Doo over there will have to find some other way to solve your problem, we need to lock up. Go  _home.”_

“We can’t go home, that’s the problem!” Kurt snaps. “You can’t send us back there, our roommate has lost it. She’s been rehearsing non-stop for an audition all week–”

“She’s fallen asleep upright holding her script the last three nights,” Santana cut in.

“If we go back there, she’ll make us run lines. Or scream. She’s been screaming a lot, apparently this characters just yells all the time and she wants to warm her voice up for it. We’ve had six noise complaints already, she just won’t shut up!”

“You want chloroform so you can get a little shut-eye?” 

“Basically. I wanted to just hit her with something heavy or lock her out until she promises to shut up, but Kurt said we should try something more humane first.”

It’s the guy’s turn to blink. “And you thought  _chloroform_  was the way to do that?”

Kurt shrugs sheepishly. “Like you said. Too many crime shows.”

The guy sighs, and he and the girl exchange eye rolls. “Look,” the girl says, “we’re nice. We are not going to let you run riot with our chemicals, but our old roommate moved out last week and we haven’t filled her room yet. If you two don’t mind sharing a bed, you can crash there tonight. We’ll see if we can help you silence the banshee in the morning, 2am is not Dani-thinking time.”

Kurt bites his lip. “How do we know you aren’t serial killers?”

The guy snorts. “ _We_  aren’t the ones who snuck into the university in the middle of the night to beg chloroform off of sleep-deprived chem students! Come on, we don’t live far from here. Just don’t be offended when we lock our bedroom doors. Can’t be too careful!”

“Besides, we have nothing worth stealing,” Dani chips in cheerily. “Unless you like sewing machines that only work when weighted down with a brick, and a very creepy mannequin that Elliott sometimes puts in the shower to scare away my, um, friends, the morning after.”

“It might be the 2am talking, but I think we just became best friends,” Kurt whispers to them. 

“You can be best friends tomorrow, please show us to your spare bed before I crash on the fucking floor and give your  _professor_  a fright tomorrow.”

Dani and Elliott laugh, heads tossed right back, teeth gleaming. Dani links arms with Santana as if they’ve known each other for years, dragging her ahead while Elliott locks the door behind him and Kurt. 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, after they’ve been walking in silence for a while.

“Mmm?”

“For breaking in at 2am to get something to drug my roommate,” he clarifies, “it wasn’t my finest moment.”

Elliott just laughs again, throwing an arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve seen you around NYADA a few times, you know, a few of my friends study there. You’re talented. From what I’ve seen, I’d say we’re going to get along just fine.”

Kurt’s caught between embarrassment and pleasure, and he can feel his mouth curling up into a big smile despite his tiredness.

Elliott turns on his heel and winks. “Just know that I am introducing you with this story for the rest of  _time_.”


End file.
